Effectiveness, appearance and self-confidence

As I prepare to travel I find myself reflecting on the unpredictable inter-relation between effectiveness, appearance and self-confidence. I think I am going to see some extraordinary things in Uganda, possibly things that will change me forever. I anticipate that I will be moved at the compassion I see, touched again by the joy that the Lord's people know even in the toughest situations and almost certainly be humbled by the generosity of spirit that is so often a mark of that great continent.

And almost all of this will be experienced out of the limelight. I have no plans to visit schemes set up with Western aid or enabled by public charities. I am going because a friend who is a diocesan Bishop has asked if we would partner with them.

I rejoice at the chance to work in ways that will not be very evident because I fear that publicity is often its own reward and obscures the deep call of God in real situations. When things appear successful we often succumb to the hype and simply assume that they are what we are really meant to be doing. I think this is part of Jesus' warning to us to be careful when all speak well of us.

Furthermore, I am also deeply aware of the subtle dangers of self-aggrandisement in partnering with projects in parts of the world that sound like they will be good. There is a real set of dangers here revolving around the apparent significance of our activity simply based on where it is being done. It could well look as if what we are doing is more important than other things simply because it is based in Uganda, and that is really seductive.

Is it more important to bring education to a Ugandan than to sit with a European dying of cancer or be faithful in praying for those under your care? All of these clearly matter, they are vital parts of the Kingdom work of Christ, but the same person doing them will often feel very differently about themselves when they have done each task. Our valuing of our own call and discipleship is a complex task.

At its heart discipleship is about playing to an audience of one. It is about seeking the daily invitation of the Lord to partner in His work for this time and place. I have a sneaking suspicion, based on my understanding of Jesus' teaching, that this is of most value when it is not lauded by others... The trouble is that it often does not feel like it.

A week to go...

Apparently, in a week's time I will be in Uganda, or in Soroti to be more precise. I say "apparently" because it really does not feel like this will happen while I am sitting in England, in the cold, feeling miserable having just been trounced at rugby by the Welsh.

I guess I really ought to think about packing. Currently my pile includes anti-malarial tablets and a mosquito net, both of which matter, but neither of which are sufficient for a week under the Central African sun. Talking of which, where am I going to find sun cream in the UK at this time of year?

It is, to be honest, difficult to believe that in 6 days time I will be in shorts and wishing it was cooler. It would probably be easier if I had been there before as I could envisage the context and imagine myself there. The unknown seems somehow unlikely, even though I know where I am going, who I am going to see, and have seen many photos of it.

I do observe that there can be many realities which are different to our own, but ascribing value to that which we don't know by first hand experience is hard. This is one of the reasons that change is so hard, particularly change to something as yet untried. It can be exciting, it is often exhilarating, but it is usually exhausting too.

Note to self: this is worth remembering this when exploring, explaining, or exhorting the things of faith. I might be familiar, but that which is new to others will be usually be adventure, challenge, and intrinsically hard to believe.